Interesting topics have piqued my interest this week and it has been a while since I have taken time for writing. I have a blog geared towards a different audience (www.albepsychcfs.com), but the topic of male stereotypes is likely a major factor contributing to incarceration.
I started following a guy on Instagram, @curtmercadante who clarified some myths about masculinity and the topic has been popping up elsewhere. He talked about how men are raised to believe that they should be “tough”, “manly”, “pushing through the pain”, and how asking for help is considered a weakness. He also talks about “responsibility” in being “the breadwinner”, “bringing home the bacon”, and how that may lead to overfocusing on earning money as opposed to being emotionally available to a partner or children, or avoiding a criminal lifestyle. Breadwinner or bringing home the bacon is very specific to theft, larceny, possession/sell substances, trafficking, or breaking and entering convictions.
I also follow @joonais who had a podcast clip of a man who also felt no choice but to appear strong at all times towards the outside world, to be “the rock”, but also wanting to come home to an accepting significant other where he can let the mask slip away and receive much needed comfort in being himself. “Men’s emotions get ignored a lot. The world is rough on a man”, his wife said. He said, “You know what it is, too? We’re not allowed to feel emotional. I have to fall apart sometimes. I can’t do that in front of the world. Especially as a black man, you can’t show no weakness.” That was powerful… As a society, we are placing a lot of stereotypical pressure on men, possibly more so with black men or other ethnicities, so that they can no longer express true emotions of sadness, loneliness, insecurities, or feeling weak once in a while. They need “a safe place to fall apart”, and look for that safe place in their significant others. That was a fairly normal guy’s thoughts. If you think inmates ever had a safe place to fall or fall apart, it’s highly unlikely… When you cannot appear weak, convictions look like assaults, possession of weapons, even murder.
I have listened to the stories of broken men for over 20 years. Let me preface these comments by stating that I know exactly who can be “fixed” and who should never be exposed to people again. I am aware on a daily basis of specific individuals who “have nothing to lose…”, and they remain in my peripheral vision at all times. An inmate can begin telling me their story and I can fill in most, if not all, of the blanks. Exposure to domestic violence, experiencing consistent and frequent childhood/adolescent physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse, overwhelming neglect, these men in their youth were not allowed to cry, use their voice, express any emotions other than anger. As adults, many of them cannot identify a specific “mood” they are experiencing when asked, unless they are at a point of complete breakdown. It is only then when they may express anxiety, sadness, or anger to extreme levels. Prison is the perfect example of where men primarily express negative emotions, never allowing for those stereotypical thoughts to be addressed or reversed.
Ask yourselves this question; why are there so many more male prisons than female prisons across the nation? Now, remember this simple answer; men act outwards, women act inwards. It’s easy to become incarcerated when your emotions are expressed in the form of acting out. Women acting inwards looks far different, with self-injurious behaviors, substance abuse, some of which becomes under criminal scrutiny, but is largely hidden and overlooked. Hence, they simply live miserable lives, or they talk and heal. Women talk and are encouraged by society to do so, which is opposite for men. They are more likely to seek treatment and complete a journey to improved mental health.
Specific stories of incarcerated men, and women, typically include feelings of helplessness throughout their childhood and adolescence. They experience great sadness while observing their parent physically abused, or their sibling sexually abused. They experience overwhelming fear, closer to terror, if they tell their story to save their lives or those of family members. They feel threatened and constantly hypervigilant in their environment, a constant anxiety and occasional panic in what will happen next in their household with a substance abusing parent. If they experience abuse directly in any form, a great sense of shame forms, leading to lifelong feelings of inadequacy and failure. Much of these experiences are simply severe trauma, a fixable mental health issue. Absolute neglect appears in the form of larceny and thefts that an individual learns for survival purposes, but can become a personality disorder of conning and exploitation. At some point, many of these men delve into substance abuse as a means of coping. They enact what violence and lawless behavior they have observed not knowing other options were available. Many men, and some women, become hardened to the point where they feel nothing, and most of those people are generally unreachable. The unfixable ones, about one third of the inmate population.
Then there are the ones who dig deep and refuse to go home the way they came in. Horrific childhoods, an egregious error in judgment, incarceration, recognizing what they want to fix or change. They account for one- to two-thirds of the inmate population. Some do the work, some are unable. The ones who do the work, however, change slowly, and they will not see a prison cell again. Some men attempt to do the work, but are simply damaged to the point beyond which they have the strength to come back. The successful inmates comprise of about one third of the inmate population while the latter third could potentially be successful or not.
Whether incarcerated or not, men are not allowed to express words opposite of strength. A friend of mine recently was not allowed to walk after hip surgery after months or years of pain from athletic injuries. It was not until then that he used the emotional word of “helpless” to describe how he felt not being allowed to get out of bed. During those months or years of dealing with that injury, he did not express any feelings of sadness, fear or grief of potentially losing his physical ability, anxiety about an upcoming surgery, not one word related to weakness and not one tear. His significant other, a psychologist colleague, knew only what he might be emotionally feeling by observation. He could minimally describe physical pain. This is only one example of a “healthy” male, but how healthy can it be to not express emotional feelings? What may have worked best for him is showing him the chart of facial expressions so that he could point to the one that fit best in the moment lol.
Most people working in the criminal justice or corrections field recognize that prisons are the new mental health hospitals. Although excellent programs such as the Stepping Up Movement are growing, this is where we are in the moment. Why am I writing this article? My vision is for corrections officers and staff members to see beyond a crime to see a person in need. We are all fairly good at recognizing the manipulative ones although that perception may be incorrect. Manipulation may be a weak form of getting help and it may also be simply manipulation. I do have more and more officers and staff recognizing inmates with true needs and they are quick to find me. I tell them like it is, whether an inmate is finding an excuse to avoid a consequence or whether their mental health directly links to a problem, which is rare. I see mental health professionals are making some great efforts in getting an inmate through the moment, or providing ongoing assistance as needed.
The takeaway here is that prisons are places ripe for suppressing emotional expression. Even after sessions, inmates are forced to return to their block to pretend they feel nothing but strength. Recognize that they lived a life that you may not have survived, or if you did, you may be a rarity, or a more intelligent person with more intellectual coping resources. They have never been allowed to state, “I’m scared. I feel helpless. I feel weak. I don’t know what I feel. I’m sad. I can’t shake this anxiety. I feel alone. I want to cry but I can’t,” and any other thoughts or feelings lacking control over their lives. I acknowledge that we must see them all as inmates for security reasons, but some of them are incarcerated for a fixable reason. If you suspect that an inmate can benefit from mental health, send them.
I perceive my job as twofold; I either work a little magic to fix a soul, or protect the public when my efforts are not useful for that inmate. In fact, I consider the majority of my job to be geared towards public safety. That said, the greatest reward for all of us is to send someone home who will never return, because their mental health issues, if present, are under control.
