I’ve recently been asked about my knowledge on the topic of #DARVO.
Research on DARVO is emerging that provides a clear definition. DARVO is a manipulation tactic commonly used by abusive partners, often in family court proceedings.
DARVO means:
Deny – The abuser denies the survivor’s account, gaslighting them to question their memory, downplaying the severity of events.
Attack – The abuser discredits the survivor, questioning their mental health, or past behavior.
Reverse Victim and Offender – The abuser positions themselves as the victim, alleging the survivor has a vendetta.
As Court Professionals, we need to understand that DARVO intends to shift the spotlight away from perpetrators of IPV/CC abuse to victims. This allows perpetrators to remain “invisible” in the courtroom. Having this information allows us to reverse DARVO effects by spotlighting personality characteristics of perpetrators.
The term “narcissist” is broadly applied to IPV/CC offenders but does not fully capture their true personality problems. Research shows that singular personality disorders are insufficient in identifying perpetrators. Rather, abusers have traits of antisocial and borderline personality disorders in addition to narcissism.
Subtypes and classifications show several variations:
Passive-dependent/compulsive – Anxious, depressed, low self-esteem, and hostile when needs aren’t met.
Schizoid/borderline – Withdrawn, moody, hypersensitive, and volatile.
Narcissistic/antisocial – Self-centered and manipulative.
Further, traits include:
Psychopathic – Impulsive, remorseless, and violent, often with criminal backgrounds.
Hostile/controlling – Dominating and coercive.
Borderline/dependent – Emotionally unstable, deeply fearing abandonment, and blaming partners for distress.
What if we shift the focus on our victims back to the perpetrators with this information? If we can find pieces of these characteristics or traits in our victims’ ex-partners, we can better support them and make their perpetrators “visible” again, shifting the spotlight to where it belongs.
As I’ve researched the abuse perpetrated on my clients, studies agree that weapons to threaten them, animal abuse, sexual violence, strangulation, psychological and financial control, and even kidnapping occur at the hands of perpetrators with antisocial and psychopathic traits. These incidents of violence involve personality characteristics that extend beyond the “narcissist”.
We can find clues about perpetrators of IPV/CC in court documents, judges’ rulings, or police reports that mention academic failures, domestic violence between perpetrators’ parents, repeated motions or filings by an abusive ex-partner, and more.
While my focus is on my clients first, we can equally support them by finding glaring flaws in their ex-partners. We can do more.
